Powerless

Powerless

Thoughts come but never leave
Always poking and telling me
Half of the story.

They tell me
I will enjoy it
I deserve it
I need it
No one will know
No one cares
And because I don't care I listen.

I don't care because I am tired
I am tired of always hearing the voices
I listen and obey
Just so they go away
And yes they do come back another day
Another day
Another day
Another day.

Repetition...it's always the same old song and dance
Porn star dancing with hands down my pants
Blind to the the reality of my own pain
I think not of what I have to loose
But only what's to gain.
A hard one, release, and stain.

Spent my life waiting for the stain to dry.
Spend my time thinking of my alibi
Wanting to cry
To scared to die
Tired of the lie
Pack my bag and fly

My wings are broken.
They have been for years
if I even had them at all.
Maybe that too is one of the lies I believed.
But that is the first of the truths I am starting to live.
Slowly day by day as I wake up in the same bed
the same house
the same city
with the same streets
I start to find freedom in the routine.

Yes I know where the women are
But I also know where hope is
And it's closer than a number
Hope is the people I live with
The friends that won't give up.
The God that forgives.
Hope is looking back at me in the mirror.