As summer is ending and giving way to cooler temps, and students ready to go back to school, I am feeling lost. After spending the better part of 30 years getting ready to go back to school, I am realizing that I am done. School is over for me. And if I wasn't depressed before, typing that those words has pushed me over the edge. So what does a depressed guy do on the first day of school? Go to school, what else. Here I sit, visiting old classmates, and profs wishing I had some meaning in my life.
Meaning...I think that is what is missing.
Every fall I knew that I would be in class studying some amazing new idea from this or that theologian. There was purpose in being part of the dialogue. I felt that in some way I was contributing to the giant cosmic think tank. Now? Well I wash dishes and serve coffee to grouchy old people who are too picky. How's that for contribution?
I went from wrestling with century old ideas about the meaning of our life to helping those whose life is about to end poop themselves a little better. I even get to hear the stories about why they aren't drinking coffee any more. Is this really why I spent the last 12 years working on my degree? To listen to old people tell me poop stories.
So I found my way back to my Alma mater today wishing I were back in these halls. I guess my wish came true as I will be starting class next week.
Monday, August 23, 2010
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