Will the real Christian's please stand up

If no man is an island, then why am I so alone?

If we are our brother's keeper then why is sin not talked about?

If we are supposed to work out our own salvation, then why are questions and doubts criticized and belittled?

I am lost and confused. Not intellectually. I could answer most theological questions you could throw at me and I would believe it. No, the questions I have are in the heart, deep emotional stuff. I have never understood why we tell people they are not to trust their emotions. If God is a relational God, then why the heck would he tell us to stuff our emotions?

I have really been doubting a lot lately. My faith, my life. Is it real? Why am I hear. I watched the Matrix again the other day and replayed the scene in my mind where Neo has just woke up after being freed from the Matrix. He and Morpheus are talking. He says that he can't go back. Morpheus doesn't directly answers but asks another more pertinent question. If you could, would you want to?

Do I want to go back to a life of ignorance? Sometimes. To have the freedom to do what you want without your conscious or the Holy Spirit to get in the way. But then is that really freedom. Is life being plugged into the Matrix really freedom, really a life.

I feel like I am rambling, but the point that I am trying to make is that there are times I want out. It is too hard, or I am being asked too much. At times I feel like God tricked me and I am getting the raw end of the deal. Whew I just dogged a bolt of lightening. But I am serious, sometimes, even today, I want out.

But that doesn't answer the question of "can I". Without getting into the theology of Calvinism or Arminianism, I don't think I can go back. Even if it was possible, somewhere at my core, I wouldn't want to, I couldn't. Even if all things were forgotten or I just choose to forget, I would still know in my heart of hearts that God is real and I am called to a life of warfare against the powers of darkness. To know, to taste, to partake of the Holy Spirit, to see, and understand and feel freedom from sin, it's all too much. Sin has lost it's grip and I am free to be all that God has created me to be.

Which leads to full circle to the title of this randomness, will the real Christian's please stand up? If we are free, utterly free from sin; if Christ's death, burial, and resurrection truly broke us from he grips of sin; then why are we not living in the fullness. Why am I still so comfortable wasting my freedom, my life on such trivial things as writing this blog and playing dragon wars on facebook. When will I go through just one day and ask myself at every crossroad, "Does this action glorify God? How? Am I advancing the Kingdom by doing this?" Lord, save me from myself.