Today is a like those others; a day where I wake to nothingness. No dawn greats me, welcoming me to a new day. So, I fight desperately to stay asleep. With every ounce of my being I wrestle some unknown force, trying to maintain some sense of control; some sense of peace; some sense of freedom; that only comes when I am lying in a state of semi-consciousness. It is only in my dreams where life seems to happen for me anymore.
Not that my dreams are alive, far from it, but they are far more bearable than the waking life. At least in my dreams I can still have her. At least in my dreams I can still cling to the laughter, and play in the rain. At least in my dreams I can escape the realities of the man I look at in the mirror everyday. He is the one that I am trying to avoid at all costs. It is only when I am sleeping that I am completely free from him.
So that is why I struggle to stay sleeping almost everyday, especially today. For today I is a day that I have to look at me.
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